I remember the day, the feeling of both excitement and sheer terror...we were going to have a baby! We wanted to keep it secret as long as possible for fear it may not work out. After weeks of tests and anxiety we finally announced the big news - to much fanfare - but those details can come later.
Fast forward to today, well a couple of weeks ago when Dylan was sitting in front of the computer and says, look mommy, o-w-l that spells owl. My jaw dropped! Since when did my 3 year old learn how to spell - and a word that we've never talked about! Now I'm not saying my son is a genius - it's just that when this little person who is still a "baby" starts spelling words at random its shocking...cause he's not a baby anymore.
That and registering him for kindergarten this week, has once again made me realize that I'm getting old. A process that no matter how hard I try I cannot slow down. And then when my husband - standing naked next to me in front of the BIG mirror - says, "you can get work done if you want."
Well! Isn't that a great vote of confidence!
And by the way pal, you're not getting any younger either!
While I'm afraid of "surgery for fun" I would relish looking like that B-I-A-T-C-H Kelly Ripa on the cover of Shape magazine. I mean 3 kids and look at her - and so damn perky too! She claims she just started working out for the first time after a 10 year break, and I quote, "if I can do this anyone can." Yeah right, you know what happened when I went back to the gym and hired a personal trainer? I sprained my knee, gained 4 lbs. and 2% body fat....I know that because they take you into the office, make you stand on this special computerized scale and print out the results. What!?! I paid good money for this?!
And the trainer God bless her, says, "oh yeah that happens sometimes. You know women over 40 often experience a dramatic slowdown in their metabolism."
"Is that right?" I said.
Obviously she doesn't know what it feels like to be over 40 and be told there is no chance in hell you're going to lose weight.
Then she says, " But would you like to sign up for more personal training sessions?"
Uh, no, thanks. I think I was doing better on my own. Binge drinking and exercising for 10 minutes every 3 weeks or so.
I should have known he couldn't relate to me during our first meeting. She asked me if there was something specific I wanted to work on during the 6 training sessions I broke the piggybank to pay for.
Ah yes...and I go down my list...and oh yeah, I want to work on eliminating my "bat wings."
"Bat wings" she asks...completely puzzled.
You know, the bat wings...the part of your arm that keeps waving even after you've stopped.
She didn't have a clue.
I think I'll dump the trainer and just keep meeting the girls for coffee and donuts 3 times a week.
